Monday Free Write
Happy Monday All!
I had a completely different write up I was going to do today, but we decided to spend an extra night at my mom's house and the for the post I was planning, I need to be home to finish my project.
So instead I'm going to try and write the post that I've been avoiding for a while now. I like to speak out when I'm dealing with my depression because I want to help normalize it. The thing I never talk about is my anxiety. At least I think that's what it is. I normally just call it my fear of never doing anything good enough. (And I guess if that feeling it gives me is anxiety, then that's what it is, if not then I'm not quite sure what it is.)
All I do know is that I hate that feeling. Its the worst. Currently I have a guy that I work with who is interested in buying on of my plarn baskets and he also wants to see what else I've created. And I really want to show him because I think he would buy a pair of sharks for his boys, but I just can't. Because I know he's going to tell me how great everything is and how cool it all is, but deep down I just feel like a fraud. Sure my sharks are cool... cool for my boys to play with, but I just still feel like they can't compare to what I see on Pinterest or Instagram.
And just a couple weeks ago I sold my first plarn basket on Etsy. And while I was ecstatic to have finally sold one, I almost wanted to cancel the sale because I wasn't confident in my work and I was honestly sure the basket would be coming back. (Luckily it hasn't... yet!), so much so I didn't put in a request for a review because I just don't think I can handle it. And I know its really silly because I'm sure the review would be much better than I think, but I'm just still so fragile, that I don't want to...yet... maybe by the fifth sale or so I'll feel confident enough to ask for a review (but its probably going to take me till the 10th to start reading them)
Anyway the upside of doing this blog is that it gives me room to share the good bad and the just plain ugly projects. And when I do end up with a project that I'm not completely satisfied with I still write the post up and I make plans to remake it again. (Or if its really bad, I just let it go... and who knows, maybe when as skills get better I'll try to make those projects, but I haven't quite gotten to that point yet!). So while the blog might not be the best therapy overall, for right it seems to be the right therapy that I need to get over this issue.
(Who am I kidding I think I'm eventually just going to have to learn to deal with it... and I think doing this blog will help with that)
And... I suppose I should also just suck it up show the guy at work my crafts..
